Sunday, June 19, 2011

ABAH


My father was only a normal court clerk when he and my mom got married. As soon as my mother was conceiving of me, he decided to continue studying again. He got a high ambition, to become a lawyer, so that he can give mommy, me and my future siblings a better life...



I still remember, he told me that the journey was not so smooth even at the very first step. His own father (my late grandfather) laugh at him when he told him about his plan. Atuk (the named I called my grandfather) thought it was ridiculous as my father only passed his SPM with grade 3. But my father took it as a challenge, he studied again and managed to pass his SPM with good results and he was accepted to ITM (UiTM now) to further his study. He's a fighter...



When I was born into this world, it was a joy for everyone as I am the first child of my parents, the 1st grandchild for my mom's side and the 1st granddaughter for my dad's family. We don't have a car back then. For the unconditional love of him towards me, everytime we went back to either dad's or mom's hometown, he will got up very,very early in the morning and took a bus to his hometown in Rembau, Negeri Sembilan. He then borrowed my grandfather's car and drove back to KL to pick us and drove back to Rembau or up to Batu Pahat, Johor...my mom's hometown. The same thing happened reversely when we came back to KL. He done all these because he don't want his baby (me) to travel by bus, he wanted his child to travel comfortable and safely. I still remember how I cried when my mom told me this story...



I barely remember my relationship with my father when I was a toddler as he was busy juggling between his work and study. Most of the time I stayed in Batu Pahat, Johor with my grandparents and my parents visited me once a month. Nevertheless, I know both of them love me as much as other parents do... :)



When I entered kindergarten (pre-school), my dad encouraged me to be the best in everything that I did. Either academically, sports or even performing arts. That was when I noticed that he was very strict when it comes to academic especially. I remembered showing him my report card, I was so excited as I got all "A"s for the subjects except Mandarin. I thought he won't bothered since Mandarin is not my mother tongue and I am only 5 years old back then. I was wrong, my dad was a bit dissapointed. He said, if I have done it well, I could have beaten my bestfriend - Tee Chai Ling's score and became no.1 instead of 2...I was really sad. But it was not for long tho. The very next day, he came back from work with a present for me. That moment I knew, he love me actually... well, that's how dad was dear readers, he's a strict and fierce sometimes, but inside he was loving man who rarely show affection trough hugs and kisses but more to action :)


When I entered primary school, my sister was born. Being the big sister, the pressure was even higher. Instead of normal story books, my dad bought me the thick Hardy Boys Series and a small Oxford dictionary. I have to finish certain pages for a week duration and we will then sit together so that I can tell him what was it about. During my readings, I was not allowed to ask what's the meaning of any jargon English words that I found, I have to search on my own via the dictionary. At first, I was so down...I wanted to have a collection of Disney fairytale books, not The Hardy Boys! It's too advance and too boring. Too boyish too :( But slowly, when I was in standard 3, I finally understand what he was trying to do..I won a short English essay due to my rich vocab, thanks to my dad..


Academically, I have to do well in every term. Only no.1, 2 or 3 were allowed and the marks shouldn't be below 90%. If I failed to achieve it, I have to face him with my palm of hands ready. One beaten with "rattan" for each mistake I made..huhu. Because of that, I was constantly at number 1 or 2 in class until I was in secondary school. Strangely, as I grew up, I did not hate my dad for this..instead, I felt good and satisfied everytime I score or be on top of the class. The motivation slowly changed from afraid of being beaten to challenge myself to be the best among my friends. I was motivated by the way my dad studied too...


You see, when my sister was born, my dad further his degree studies at International Islamic University Malaysia. He quit his job to concentrate on his study full time. Although he was busy with his study, he never failed to monitor my progress or spend some quality time with the family. The only time we were not allowed to make noise or to disturb him was during his exam week. He stayed in the study room and only came out to take bath, perform solat, and eat. He hardly slept as well.

"Macam ni lah Na, orang dah tua belajar. Bukan senang semua nak masuk dalam kepala. Dengan takde basic Arab lagi, kena keja keras. Sebab tu Abah nak Na study betul2 dari skarang, tak perlu susah-susah macam Abah..."


That was what he told me when I asked him how he managed to study for two days straight without any sleep...


My mom said, our family economy was not that good during this time as she was the only one who work to support the family. That explained why I did not get any present from my parents when I did well in my studies. But I was happy enough that I always get some during the prize giving ceremony by the end of every study years. That was enough for me. And Abah, knowing that I love Kentucky Fried Chicken so much, he would bring me to Jalan TAR (TAR road) each time he wanted to take out his scholarship money. He will then bought a snack plate for me and he will wait till I finished before we went back home. Mom said, during that time, she only managed to taste the fried chicken from my leftovers (that time, I only eat the chicken's skin)...sad isn't it? If only I knew... :(



Things got better when I entered secondary school. My dad has graduated successfully , became a lawyer and owned his own firm by his own name. I was so proud of him. I really looked up to him. He became my idol. He was still strict and reserved as he was, but he became very generous not only to us, but to our big family and even his friends. He always put us as his top priority then himself. He shops for us, but not for himself. The only thing he indulged himself with his success was owning his dream car. That's all. Anyway, I can say that that was the time when I became a bit spoilt. Dad usually agreed and support what I wanted/decided whilst mom always the other way round. Strict, but cool he was ;)



The sun does not always shine brightly and so do life...then came the biggest test in my life. I was still studying in the same university as he was when my father had a stroke. Half of his body was paralyzed. I was so sad and down but trying to keep that feeling from my friends. Like I said earlier, my father was a fighter. He never gave up. He did acupuncture, and some exercises by himself and within only few months, he was back to normal again, although he was not 100% recover from his illness. The Doctor was surprised and impressed with his progress..He said to me that my father's determination and never-gave-up spirit was inspiring. I was relieved. Because of that, despite the worries and mixed feelings inside I managed to concentrate on my studies and got him a present - Dean's List award for few consecutive semesters. Although I am far from my genius friends who got it for every semester, it means a lot to me to see how happy my dad was each time I handed him the cert.



I have so many plans upon graduating. Firstly, I wanted my dad & mom to attend the convocation and witness me walking proudly on the CAC Hall stage. Secondly, I wanted to buy something special for my dad with my 1st salary because I was among of his top priority in his life. But God has another plan for me. A week after I got my final results, my dad passed away...it was the saddest day in my life. I lost not only a father, but an idol. I lost someone whom I called "ABAH".



My father was quite reserved in person, especially when it comes to feelings. He may not be as loving or as cool as any other father. But his love and affections shines to us from his actions. And the love and care keeps on growing everyday cause until today, I can still feel the love from this great man.


Dear Abah,

May your soul rest in peace, Al-Fatihah.
Happy Father's Day..
Will always missing you...





22 comments:

mommaholicSURI said...

Amin.
Your father is always watching you and I'm sure that he is so proud that you, your mom and siblings are now live stronger and better. He's so lucky that his kids xpernah putus berdoa untukNya.

Sebut ttg pengorbanan, bila dah jadi parents, baru faham perasaan seorang ibu dan ayah. Demi anak, segalanya boleh kita korbankan.

Your late father is a great man. Al-Fatihah.

mommyNadia said...

Eventho it was a sad story from ur past,but it was an inspired one..
Ur father must be proud of what u had achieved right now!
I thot u jadik lawyer like ur father, tkpela kan since ur sis pun dah jadik lawyer gak kan..:)

my dad pun further his degree while I was at standard 6..even it quite painfully,tp kami bangga sb dia sgt determined!

btw,babe...with ur condition,writing this entry mesti sgt sayu kan..me too goose bump!

Adila Sahaja said...

your abah must be very proud of you..

:')

Norazian said...

Nadine,

I'm one of your silent reader but this time would like to share few words. The abah of yours had the same character as my late father. Very reserved and only showed the love via his action. I still remembered at the morning of his death, he squeezed my hand as if he's telling me to be strong if anything happened to him. It's really hard to accept the fate that the love of our life is gone. Al-Fatihah.

Mimy Hamid said...

i percaya kejayaan u hari ini adalah inspirasi dari arwah ayah u..i baca kisahnya..inspirasi jugak buat i..Alfatihah..amin

Diyana Didie said...

kak, what a great father u have kak... wow this is really inspirational. terharu me baca ur entri nie kak. apa pon, ur dad bertuah dpt anak mcm u. im sure he is very proud of you. :)

dyana "his other half" said...

im touched! :-

1. i can feel how much your dad love u, specially the KFC story.
2. how much u missed him
3. knowing that his strong spirit is still with u and ur family.
4. he's a great man that really love his family.

take care nadia.

my.mastura said...

aahh..no wonder la ko selalu at the top of the class..

ada setitik air mata la bila baca post ko ni..huhuu..what a great man u have..and i'm sure he'll be sooooo proud of u

ishamizu said...

Sad but yet so inspirational. Sgt kagum dgn semangat juang arwah ayah Nadia. I'm sure u and ur siblings also have that trait in ur blood that make all of u successful now, dear. Your late dad must be so proud of you!

BTW i can;t imagine if i were in your shoes. Loosing the love of our life is too painful to bear with..rite. But, ur very strong, dear!:)

Tk care k. xoxo.

''huda said...

Nadia u look so soft outside but deep inside u r a very strong young lady! Mesti ur parents esp ur arwah abah damnly proud hvg u s their daughter. So touched. Mengalir2 air mt ni bc entry ni. Take care dear. Hope u will hv e best in ur life s u r so deserve to hv it.

Anonymous said...

Nadia u look so soft outside but deep inside u r a very strong young lady! Mesti ur parents esp ur arwah abah damnly proud hvg u s their daughter. So touched. Mengalir2 air mt ni bc entry ni. Take care dear. Hope u will hv e best in ur life s u r so deserve to hv it.

Nadine said...

Mea,

True, we understand and appreciate more when we hold the "parent" title, especially when it comes to scarifies.

Ameen, thanks dear. I am sure your father is a great man too, and lucky you, he is still here with you and witness how much you've grown up and be someone he's proud of...

Nadine said...

Nadia,

Being a lawyer was my 1st ambition. Kecik2 lagi I dh follow series LA law with my dad, masuk pidato n debate in school. After SPM I mintak IIUM, law as my 1st choice tp I dpt Engineering instead. Siap buat rayuan kat Dean tp malangnya ditolak dgn alasan my science subjects was good so mcm rugi tak ambil engineering. Then lepas kena brainwashed by my dad I pun go on je la with engineering and become who am I today :)

OIC, we were in the same boat then. Mmg susah sket time tu kan, tp lps selesai sume mmg berbaloi sgt kn? Mcm you jugak, tak lama lagi bergelar master degree holder. I mmg salute working mother who are successful in studies mcm you cause I know it ain't easy :)

Heee, I mmg setiap kali teringat my dad akan sayu...esp time his birthday ke, father's day ke or bila tgk org lain bermanja dgn theirs...rasa kehilangan :)

Nadine said...

Adilla,

Hopefully dear, tapi I ralat sgt cause I feel the time spent with him was too short. Tak dapat nak buat macam2 utk dia...

BTW, I am sure your father is proud of you too, sayangi dia dan ibu selagi they are still with you k. Thanks for dropping by :)

Nadine said...

Norazian,

Sorry to hear that. Al-Fatihah to your dad too :( Looks like we are in the same boat. Sometimes, action speaks louder than words kan. Bila dia takde, bila terkenang balik baru sedar betapa besar limpahan kasih sayangnya. Smoga Jannah tempat arwah bapa2 kita. Ameen.

Nadine said...

Mimy,

Thanks dear, ameen. True, my dad bnyk suntik semangat dalam diri I. Tapi I masih blum boleh dikatakan success lagi, masih banyak blum I achieve. You untung tau ada ayah yang hati lembut dan penyayang. Take care of him well tau, Happy Belated Father's Day to pakcik Hamid :)

Nadine said...

Didie,

Thanks adik. Glad you find it inspirational too. Akak share this story as part of my fond memories of him..rindu kat dia. At the same time, utk inspire diri sendiri jugak, esp bila time2 rasa nak patah semangat ke, sedih ke Pemangkin semangat. I am sure your father is a great man himself, just look at yourself pun akak dh tau dah ;)

Nadine said...

Cee D,

Thank you dear, sedih sgt bila mak cerita pasal ni dulu. Rasa serba salah pun ye jugak. Kadang2 tgk Faaz makan ayam kat KFC atau lalu kat KFC Jalan TAR tu kan, hati jadi sayu je... :(


I really, really do missed him...esp. time special occasion mcm ni. Sronok tgk org lain buat mcm2 for Father's Day. This year, since Fadzil pun away, hanya bg appreciation kat FIL je la :)

Thanks again Cee D, you take care too. I wished for Hadif's speed recovery.

Nadine said...

Mas,

Hehe...sudah kena trained babe.

Thanks a lot,I am sure so does your father, kan? Untungnya ayah ko masih ada lagi disisi. Cherish every moment with your parents tau! :)

Nadine said...

Izu,

Awwwh, thanks for your kind words. Kami blum boleh dikatakan success lagi Izu, masih bnyk yg belum kami achieve..tp Nadia akui, darah arwah abah yg mengalir dlm badan ni bnyk menjadi penyuntik semangat dlm diri ni wpun kadang2 agak lembik jugak Nadia ni :P heee, nama pun ppuan kan :)

Izu, mmg tak dpt nak dibayangkan. Cuma tau bila diri sendiri lalui. Tell you, it takes a looooong time to heal. Diluar orang mungkin tak nampak, tapi dalam hati, hanya Allah Yg Maha Mengetahui. Yg penting kena redha, baru hati tenang...

U take care too, xoxo

Nadine said...

Kak Huda ku sayang,

Awwwwh, thanks for kind words. Strong tu tak la strong mana pun akak, cuma Nadia ni suka simpan feelings dlm hati, tak reti tunjuk. Quite reserved, mcm arwah abah. Tapi skang dh open sket2 compared to dolu2 sbb baca bnyk articles kata tak elok sgt simpan2 dlm hati ni.

Ala sian akak, tapi mmg hati akak sangat lembut and easily touched. Sebab tu akak sorang yang sangat penyayang...untung Alisya! :) Thanks again kak. Take care as well ok, *hugs* :

Anonymous said...

banyak nak tulis, tp tak terluah rasanya..
semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..

i always wish/hope i can be as strong as u.. and of course smart, sweet and nice like u jugak.. such an incredible friend u r to me..