Saturday, May 17, 2014

Return To Zero

Me and my ex-uni classmate, Diyana got married few months apart and we both are blessed with a son in 2009. After married, we both stayed in Subang Jaya. Although we rarely seen each other, we constantly get connected through the social media. Coincidentally, we both got pregnant again two years later in 2011. I was 8 months pregnant of twinnies when she broke the news to me. Having a boy and then expecting a girl as the next child made us both excited! Often we chat with each other by exchanging stories of our pregnancy, sharing tips on breastfeeding and exchanged links of online shop selling cute baby outfit. 

After I delivered the twins in July 2011, I started to lay low and rarely stay online because I was occupied with motherhood and adjusting my life as a mother of 3. It was very challenging as I did not have any experience of raising a pair of twins. Because of this reason, me and Diyana were no longer having our frequent chatting session like we used to. I was shocked when I read a blogpost by Sue (Diyana's bestfriend) entitled; "Sahabatku Diyana" in December 2011. My heart beat faster and tears started to came out as I finished reading the post.

"What had happened?"

"What went wrong?" 

I asked myself these questions, feeling regret at the same time as I didn't contacted her for quite sometime. It was the moment that I learnt that Diyana has lost her baby :'(

Immediately, I took my phone, went to my contact folder, searched for her name but when I found it, I paused. I wasn't sure of which should I do first. To sms her? or to call her? or go and see her? I wanted to say how sorry I was for her loss, sorry for not being there for her, but most of all I wanted Diyana to know how badly I want to hug and comfort her. But I was afraid. Afraid that I can't control my emotion the minute I hear her voice, or the minute I see her. Afraid that my sms will made her sad. I was clueless...

When Lifetime Channel (of Astro Ch 709) approached me to join exclusive blogger preview for their new movie Return To Zero which based on a true story of stillbirth, I quickly said "yes". 

I'm glad I did.

Based on the real-life experience of Sean Hannish (the writer/director/producer) and his wife Kiley, Return to Zero tells the story of a successful couple, Maggie (Minnie Driver) and Aaron (Paul Adelstein), who are preparing for the arrival of their first child. Just as they were about to reach 38 weeks, they are devastated to discover that their baby son has died in the womb and will be stillborn.

The emotional part of the movie started on the night after Maggie and her bestfriend, Trish whom is also pregnant, just finished settling up the last touch of the baby's room when she lost her mucus plug. She called her gynae and he advised her to come for a check up the first thing in the morning. The heart-wrenching moment then came when Maggie went for the ultrasound check and later found out that the Gynea cannot find the baby's heartbeat. 

This film then shows how Maggie and Aaron going through their loss; the pain, the guilt, the grief. There's one scene when Aaron making an attempt to cheer Maggie up by giving her a snowdrop necklace as an appreciation for giving birth to their baby but it was rejected by Maggie...

"It can't make it go any faster, it can't make it any better, it can't do anything" Maggie told Aaron.

This movie highlight the impact of stillbirth has, not only to the mother and father, but to their family and friends, and how communication plays a vital role in this situation. The majority of those affected, especially the mothers suffer in silence, often believing that their grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone. Here, this movie shows how important not to caught up in your own grief and it is important for the couple who gone through stillbirth not to lose each other.

For someone like me who never go through such experience but know someone who has, personally it made me understand what my friend Diyana has gone through and it is actually OK to talk to her while she's in grief...better actually, than leaving her cope up with loss alone (How I wished they produced this movie way earlier :( )

For anyone who has lost the child of their own and feels alone and misunderstood, 
it will show you that many out there has experienced what you've gone through and they make it through...

For someone who haven't gone through such experience and doesn't know anyone who experience stillbirth, this movie will educate you on what is stillbirth, how challenging life is for the parents after losing their child and the healing process...

Overall, this is a beautiful movie, it is an eye opener to everyone out there and I strongly recommend you to watch it with your loved ones. 

Return To Zero will be premiering next Tuesday, 20 May 2014 at 8pm only on Lifetime (Ch 709 Astro). Repeats on 25t May, Sunday at 9pm and 31 May, Saturday at 4pm. Don't miss it, ok!

To my friend Diyana, 

As I said it so many times before, I'm so proud of you and Fariq for being so strong all these while. You even open up yourself and shared your experience in your blog as early as two weeks after your darling angel Suri left you. I know it ain't easy at all. Can't imagine myself in your shoes, and I felt ashamed on myself for not being strong enough to face you during your grief :( I know your Suri now is happy in Heaven and waiting to be reunited again with your family in the hereafter. Lucky you! and I'm glad that Allah gifted you with three men not only to love you, but to guard and protect you :)




babYpose said...

when i got pregnant, i heard a friend of mine lost a baby after gave birth but they don't know the caused and i told her its a promised to heaven and I stay positive
never think about it though it
happened in my first child's hospital
which was my first choice.
never told anyone maybe husband once
then i pray and pray.

dyana "his other half" said...

am definitely excited to wait for this movie. dah bagitau fariq siap2, malam ni tanak masak. hahaha :P.

thank you so much for your words, nadia. terharu pula CD baca entry. kalau compare with other people, our experience is not as bad as the others. however, we do learn a lot from what had happen between us n Suri.

so, it's really ok to talk to us regarding our lost actully :). lagi banyak cakap pasal suri n lagi banyak org tanya pasal suri. it makes me feel blessed yang semua org still ingat suri. hehe :).